Here I am, Even when I'm scared

There are things I know I should do that still scare me.

Send the email. Have the conversation. Network (this one is especially tough for me!m). Start the thing I've been thinking about.

I have learned over the years that knowing what to do doesn't always make doing it easy. I think we can assume that if God is leading us somewhere, we'll feel completely confident about it. Like obedience should come with a sense of peace, excitement, and certainty. That has not always been my experience when it comes to following the direction God has for me.

Scripture gives us plenty of examples of people who were afraid and still moved forward.

Joshua was stepping into a role that carried enormous responsibility. He was about to lead the Israelites after Moses, and God told him:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”— Joshua 1:9

I love that God didn't tell Joshua there was nothing to be afraid of. He told him not to be ruled by it. There was a reason Joshua needed courage. There was a real challenge ahead of him. God wasn't pretending the road would be easy. He was reminding Joshua that he wouldn't walk it alone. I think that matters for us, too.

Being scared doesn't always mean we heard God wrong. In fact, in my own life, fear tends to show up when I am doing exactly what the Lord has called me to. When I am purposefully stepping outside what feels familiar, without knowing how something will turn out, I will absolutely feel anxious and fearful!

Thank you Jesus, fear does not have the final say.

We don't have to become fearless before we follow God. We can be nervous and still send the email. We can feel inadequate and still show up. We can be afraid of what people will think and still do what we know God is asking us to do. In fact, I believe this is really important to do things anyway, because satan will try to plant fear into your heart so that you will be distracted. Courage isn't the absence of fear, y'all. It is choosing not to let fear make the decision for you.

As long as we have already spent time talking about discernment and wisdom, the Lord will guide our steps. But once we've heard Him clearly, it's time for us to power through and build up some endurance. God's presence mattered more to Joshua than Joshua's confidence.

The thing God is asking of you may feel bigger than you. You may not feel ready. You may wish you had more confidence, more experience, more clarity, or more courage. God has told us in his word that He will supply us with all that we need. In return, He asks us to trust Him with what we have. A willing heart, and maybe, a trembling yes.

And this is where I find myself right now. Taking a shaky first step forward without knowing what will come of it. Putting in the work, showing up, and trusting the Lord to do what only He can do. I can make the phone call, send the email, write the words, and walk through the door, but I cannot control what happens after that. I am starting to see pieces of what the Lord is wanting me to do and have to trust Him to open the doors He intends to open, to redirect me when I need it, and to set in motion what He has planned. I would love to know how it will all unfold, but I am learning that my job isn't to make it happen. So here I am, Lord. A little nervous, still figuring things out, but willing to take the first step and trust You with everything that follows.