The Gift of Being an Inviter

I cannot tell you how many times I have stared at my phone debating whether or not I should invite someone to do something.

Not because I didn’t want to see them, but because I was tired of feeling like I was always the one initiating.

Always the one texting first. Always the one planning the get together. Always the one checking in. Always the one making the effort.

At some point, I think a lot of women genuinely wonder if I stopped reaching out, would anyone notice? And honestly, that question can be really painful. Because friendship in adulthood is complicated. Everyone is busy. Everyone is overwhelmed. Everyone assumes someone else will make the plans eventually.

I was planning and praying before speaking at a women's retreat recently and the Lord put on my heart that I have been looking at this the wrong way. What if being the inviter is not a sign that I am unwanted, but a sign of how God designed me?

Romans 12:13 says:

“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”

This verse doesn't tell us to sit back and admire someone else's hospitality. It says we are to practice hospitality. And I think somewhere along the way, society has made hospitality feel much bigger and more complicated than it was ever supposed to be. We think it means spotless houses and perfectly planned dinners and homemade desserts and matching patio furniture.

Meanwhile, some of the most meaningful invitations usually sound more like: “Want to bring your kids over to swim?”, “Do you want to go for a walk?”, “I have errands to run, do you want to join?”, "We're grilling burgers tonight! Is your family free for dinner?"

Hosptality is not really about impressing people. It is about making people feel seen and Jesus modeled that constantly. He noticed people others overlooked. He made room at tables. He stopped for conversations. He welcomed people in before they had everything figured out. Jesus was always inviting people closer. So maybe sending the invitation is not something to resent.

Maybe we can even be grateful for the opportunity to extend it. Now, I do want to say this carefully because I know there is nuance here. Some relationships truly are one-sided. Some friendships are draining. Some people only know how to take. Discernment matters here and healthy boundaries should absolutely be enforced. This is not about chasing people who continuously make you feel unwanted, but I do think there are many moments where women are all standing around waiting for someone else to go first.

The older I get, the more I realize that community is usually created because one person decided to send the text and a lot of the time that person happens to be me. Which, as a fairly introverted person, is a way I believe the Lord uses to stretch me. I am so grateful that the Bible doesn't say that hospitality has to be perfect. I think some of the best summer memories happen in imperfect spaces. Like kids running through sprinklers, late-night drives for ice cream, glow sticks at the park, and folding chairs in the driveway. Nobody remembers whether your house looked perfect.

They remember that it was welcoming and easy to walk into and that is what I want my home to feel like this summer.

So if you are the one who always reaches out first, you can trust that God gifted you with the beautiful ability to gather people. Maybe your willingness to go first is creating the exact kind of community everyone says they want but few people are brave enough to build.

So send the invitation anyway.